How Not To Be A Jerk when Online Dating

Step 1: Do not fall in love with a profile.

I have a confession to make. I’ve both tried and liked online dating. I know that it can still be seen as a little embarrassing or a last resort but I don’t think that’s fair. I like the fact that you can know a reasonable amount about a person before you make a move, I like that if someone turns out to be a nutbar, you never have to actually spend your precious time on them, and I like being able to creep through people’s profiles for days on end. It’s a bit of fun. So I’ve spent time on OkCupid and Tinder, and I feel like there is a definite market for an anti-dickhead behaviour post. I mean, there is already a plethora of blogs like these that shine the light on dickish behaviour in the online dating world, but we all know how I like to help. I just think that if you exhibit some or any of these behaviours, you should rethink a few life choices to make yourself more palatable to the average electronic love-seeker:

*Just a note, this is obviously coming from a lady perspective. I’m going to try to be fair and non-gendered and what not, but I promise little.

How Not To Be A Jerk When You’re A Kitten

Hai! This blog is about me and adorannoying I am!

I think most people can agree that if something is a baby of its species, then it’s probably adorable. There are some obvious exceptions that this college humour article points out (some of these guys are not so much animals as nightmares clothed in flesh) but a creature that lots of us can agree is undeniably cute as a button is the little kitten. Their big eyes, the way they don’t have full control of their limbs, the pathetically sweet little mew. Gosh, you just want to squish them with love. Let me tell you though, my house just rescued one and he can be a right little jerk at times. Seeing as I have a history of talking to animals, I’m writing this now to shame him for when he gets older and I teach him to speak and read English. I’m playing the slow game. So Sox (and all kittens), please stop doing the following:

How Not To Be A Jerk When You’re A Job Advert

At least I don’t have to put on pants to hate it like these suckers.

 I feel like this blog has been in hibernation for English winter/Australian summer. I’m back in Aus and pretty settled now, so consider it woken and stretching in the perfect morning in your season of choice. What’s that, imagined reader? You missed me and my silly rants?? I missed you too! Let’s hug it out. Hold me. I know you feel it like I do.

So now that we’ve bonded, deeply and physically, let me tell you what has brought me back into my beloved rant town. I have indeed returned to Adelaide, degree complete and ready to become… drum roll, please… an adult! First step, I thought, would be to get a lovely job. Unfortunately, to get these elusive places of employment, you probably have to search through job vacancies. Job vacancy boards are some of the most hellishly frustrating places on… I was going to say the internet, but no. Not even nearly. Has anyone been on the AdelaideNow comment boards (or preferred local media outlet) recently? Let’s just say job vacancies are hellishly frustrating and leave it. In order to allow us dole-bludging job-seekers to survive the process without wanting to burn our computers in a fiery blaze AND allow the companies seeking workers to actually get quality and suitable workers applying for their jobs, the vacancy ads themselves should stay away from these jerk behaviours:

How Not To Be A Jerk: To Your Housemates.

None of them. Love-rats included.

Who has lived in a house before? I’m going to assume that as you are reading this on a computer or mobile phone, you all probably have. Next, who has had to live in a house with other people before? Oh, everyone again? Interesting. How did that go for you? Was it a beautiful coming together of two like-minded people sharing a space and having lovely chats over tea in your perfectly clean living room? Yeah, I didn’t think so. (If you said yes to that, congratulations. How’s life with the unicorns, big foot and socks that stay paired?) The point is, sharing a house with someone, whether they be long term friend, casual acquaintance or total stranger, is fraught with pot-holes of awkwardness and bear-traps of pent-up rage. Aren’t you glad I’m here to guide you through that? Have you had enough of rhetorical questions yet?

How Not To Be A Jerk When You’re On a Hen’s or Stag Night.

Obligation friend that everyone finds mildly annoying.

Well, I haven’t posted in a long time. It’s been weighing on my mind for a while considering I have a few great ideas coming up, but unfortunately, I’m unable to live my life without procrastinating over something. Seeing as uni is finished for a few months, blogging is the latest victim of Facebook chat, Netflix and Reddit. I’ve also been busy starting my new job as a waitress and general bar wench, hence why I have SO MANY new ideas for blogs coming up. I’m fairly sure that there is no better example of douchebaggery than what is displayed to customer service people. While there are a multitude of examples I could go with, I just worked a Saturday day shift at a pub frequented by Stag and Hen Parties. I don’t feel I can go another day without telling the world (or a small percentage of which) how and why they suck giant balls. And more importantly, how NOT to do so.

How Not To Be A Jerk: When You’re A Stranger

Step 1: Don’t leer at children.

According to a cursory glance at the Google search page, there are roughly 7 billion people in the world at the moment. Social media stats in 2009 show that at least on Facebook, the average person has 120 ‘friends’. Taking into account obligation friends and other forms of social politics that still leaves, and this is just an estimate, a fuckton of people that you don’t know. Even if you’re one of those crazy people that has 10 000 friends on their preferred social media site (Myspace obviously, amirite?), fuckton is still pretty accurate. With that many strangers in the world, it’s likely that you’ll bump into some of them at some point. You may even be forced to interact with them in some way, even if you happen to be a hovel-dwelling hermit. Now I know we’re all taught about stranger danger and that every stranger is out to get us in some way, but I thought we could all have a think about a few ways to be less of a jerk to casual strangers that we bump into in our everyday lives.

How Not To Be A Jerk: When You Are A Local

A Typical Aussie Local

Just let go for a moment and imagine that you’ve just spent a lovely month travelling a foreign land. Beautiful, wasn’t it? Don’t you feel relaxed and refreshed? That’s because you followed so many of my excellent and foolproof tips for travellers, I’m sure. That self-gratifying relief is a prize many people strive for. Now, imagine you’ve been home for a little while, and the only memories that are sticking out are the ones that are triggered by photos and/or alcohol flashbacks. Now when you bump into someone who is a ‘foreigner’, you are the local, and there are even more tips to follow to help those lovely and probably confused travellers out. I know, I know, it never ends. Here we go:

How Not To Be A Jerk: When You’re Travelling

“Why did I bring so many bags, and how did I carry them to this point?”

You learn a lot of things about yourself when you spend much time in a foreign country. Throwing yourself into another culture can be daunting, even if the culture shock is confined to weather patterns and a bizarre over-surplus of pre-packaged sandwiches. As I’ve travelled around various countries, I’ve noticed that this culture shock can lead to a certain accidental dickishness. In the interests of fellow travellers, long suffering locals and repairing the Aussie and/or backpacker stereotype, here are some of the things we can do to stop being jerks while sampling the wonders that other countries have to offer.

How Not To Be A Jerk: In A Lecture

One of the main features of university life is sitting through seemingly endless lectures. In most degrees, lectures are going to be a pretty major part of the learning process. Some will be the kind of lecture that you look forward to, either because it’s a great topic that you’re super interested in, or because you fancy the lecturer. Unfortunately, it’s much more likely that lectures will be a chore that you feel happy to skip should you sleep in an extra 10 minutes and realise that coffee beforehand is no longer an option. Considering how most lectures are already going to be tough, I’ve put together some tips on how to make each one a little bit better for all of us. To do this, I’ve used my vast experience in attending the first three lectures of any given subject I’m supposed to be doing.

How Not To Be A Jerk: On Valentine’s Day

Ah, February 14^th. What an enigmatic day you are. For some, you are Valentine’s Day, a day to do romantic things for your special someone and loudly and publicly proclaim how much you think they are the bee’s knees (Spoiler: They are not only the bee’s knees, but entire LEGS! <333 bbz). For others, it is Single’s Awareness Day. A constant barrage of advertisements and media tells you how important and wonderful it is to be in a relationship while you just sit around, eating chocolate and waiting for it to be over. Or you might just be sick of both of these groups taking over a perfectly good Thursday to fill with their ridiculous commercialised romance dictated by consumerism, a fact that you are (ahem, I am) happy to tell anyone who mentions the holiday. Now, despite my own preferences, I’m not here to say that everyone should belong to a certain group. What I will do is deviate a little from my normal format, and just give a few tips on how to be in your preferred group without being a jerk. Happy? Good.